We are discussing here ten months ago, my doctor in Bangkok told me that I had three different types of cancer, a tumor in the brain, one in my left lung and carcinoma in the face and in other parts of my body. I told the doctor that I didn’t want to listen anymore. I didn’t want to understand the prognosis, what were the alternative treatments or what proportion of time he thought I had left. I told her I needed to walk and think. I never went back and I never looked back. I visited a beautiful nearby park and walked, prayed, meditated, and thoughtfully. The Gift of Death.
I had to make crucial decisions. the main decision I made was not to inform my wife. While I knew that this could create a situation that could be very questionable later, the priority was to recommend his home to his sick mother who was running out of time
I had to make crucial decisions
She had been separated from her family for ten years. Her mother and father needed her quite me. As the clothes were dressed, she went home and was ready to watch her mom until her death. She stays there now taking care of her father, who also has cancer. no matter the potential repercussions, I feel like I made the simplest choice for her, given the choices. True love always places the person we love as the preferred priority.
So began the most interesting and rewarding private journey. I had to leave work and our financial situation quickly deteriorated. I started having panic and anxiety attacks and flashbacks. I couldn’t eat or sleep. I lost contact with all my friends. I rarely ventured out of my room. I couldn’t pay my rent and I didn’t even have enough money to shop for groceries. I was in my answer. I packed my backpack and put it near my door, determined that I could pick it up when the time came, and go to the mountains to die alone, even if my ancestors, the Amerindians, had wiped out the past. I had accepted death but had not yet learned how to kiss it. It was a lesson to come back to.
Accepted death but had not yet learned
One night I received a completely unexpected call from a lover living in Phuket. He told me that his Thai wife “saw” me during a dream and knew I was in trouble, urging him to call me immediately. I told him that I was fine and that I had made the choice to go to the mountains. I thanked him for the years we spent together as friends and co-workers and wished him well. Then I hung up.
I was not able to argue, I have to admit. I even have an excellent view of the mountains, sunsets, and sunrises and it is quiet, clean, and comfortable. I spend a great deal of your time meditating, praying, and reflecting. I am so grateful for the generosity and love of my friends.
Generosity and love of my friends
At first, I was preparing to die. One day, shortly after arriving here, I noticed that I had taken a completely wrong approach, explaining my discomfort with reality. It came to me during a meditation and was going to change my life forever. I used to focus on death when I should be a specialist in life.
I thought of Robert Frost’s sentence, “Miles to travel before sleeping”, and I experienced an instant transformation of my thought, and therefore of my life. I feel that most people, aware of the approach of death, tend to look like the past in order to look at our heritage. Although I have not always made the right decisions in my past, I am confident that I made it as simple as possible, given my options and skills at the time.